I don’t see society as a whole changing any time soon, so my opinion is that it’s best to keep this sort of arrangement to yourself and not talk to your peer group about it (unless you feel you have someone you feel you can really trust, who won’t judge you, shame you, moralize you or gossip about you after you share the details… This relates back to rule #1 – when it ends, you want things to be clean…
you don’t want to have to explain to other people that it ended or your reasons why.
Now, there are lots of times where someone will bring up the hormones released during sex and argue that sex, for a woman, is guaranteed to lead to feelings of attachment.
When they argue this, they tend to dig their heels into the ground, citing studies on oxytocin as a scientifically undisputed guarantee that all women become attached after sex.
It also requires that you know yourself – some women can have a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and have absolutely no problem with it… It’s a mixture of biology, personality, and psychology that will determine if you’re someone who can do it or not… I am not encouraging or advocating having a friends with benefits arrangement in your life or as a lifestyle. I’m simply answering your question and speaking to what friends with benefits rules will lead to the most successful results – those results being to get what you want without hurting anyone (including yourself) in the process. Really, the term “friends with benefits” is misleading because having a FWB arrangement is sleeping with a guy who’s your friend.
I want you to get what you want for the greatest good of everyone involved. It’s an arrangement that you define from the get-go as a purely sexual arrangement…
This rule is what makes the difference between a fun, light, satisfying FWB situation…
and a messy, disastrous, regretful relationship situation.
Yes, I’d be happy to share the best friends with benefits rules so you can hook up without things being complicated.
It’s certainly possible, but it requires that you look at things honestly and set clear boundaries for yourself. (aka: how to have a friends with benefits arrangement without drama, difficulty, or disaster) This means no neighbors, no co-workers, no ex-boyfriends, no guys that are currently your friend and no people within your social circle.
and they succeed if the other person isn’t in a stable place herself.