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(If one more person with a spouse asks me, “But have you tried online dating?

” I swear I will scream.)It’s easy to let your mind go wild with “the grass is always greener” fantasies and convince yourself that marital status equates some kind of superiority. Trust me, I’ve been down this rabbit hole a thousand times and the only place it leads is straight into an entire row of Oreos.

This may be a backward way to begin this article, but I have to say it: I’ve never actually been that great at casual dating.

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Maybe you just needed to feel a different person’s hand in yours.

Even the casual guys that seem to drift in and out of your life as warm and brief as a summer weekend mean something.

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You might imagine that dating a new woman will be a lot like starring in your very own girl-on-girl romantic comedy: you’ll be asked out in some quirky yet perfect way, your date will clearly express interest in you and be a master of seduction, and when you finally have sex, it will be like the 4th of July in your pants and Christmas in your heart (or Hanukkah, whatevs). I think we all have our own lesbian dating horror stories that we like to tell our friends as a warning of things to come. If we could just collectively raise the bar a little and invest as much in the art of dating as we do in the art of Facebooking, maybe lesbian courtship could be a brave new world. The revolution won’t come overnight, so let’s start small with some of the main DOs and DONTs.

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The more I apply myself to truly “casual” dating, however, the better I’m getting. Tall, dark and handsome is not exactly what I mean.

From working on my communication skills to understanding what I’m actually looking for in a partner, there’s a lot to learn from casual dating. It is simply impossible to put a full stop on the feels if you’re seeing just one person. You may find yourself drawn to blondes or tall guys or guys in leather jackets, but if you take stock of the guys you’ve dated you’ll probably find that they have more in common than their hair color or outerwear preferences. I’m drawn to guys with a goofy sense of humor, favor being outdoors over hitting the gym and aren’t very emotionally available at the moment. (These are exceedingly common threads among the romantically challenged.)I can’t tell you exactly how to break the mold (hello, still single over here) except to say keep trying.

Making Her Want You Being an Amazing Boyfriend Making It Last Community Q&A If you’re dating an older woman, then there will be lots of excitement, adventures, and fun experiences ahead.

If you’re nervous about how to go about it, just remember that the most important thing you can do is to have confidence in who you are and to not make such a big deal out of your age difference.

This is Relationship 101, but I think it bears repeating in the context of casual, non-serious, non-exclusive relationships. Whatever your truth is, don’t be shy about sharing it. I’m not a psychologist, but I’m self-aware enough to realize that there’s a reason I keep finding myself entangled in romantic situations that are, for lack of a more delicate term, “doomed from the start.” I want what I can’t have. Say yes to more second dates, keep a more open mind when swiping right and trying to meet more (and more diverse) people.

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