I have turned down too many simple and easy straightforward jobs just because they were muddled by peoples’ human nature, and ambiguous and/or complex work is rarely cared for by the public (but this is where the subconscious detesting of grandstanding and group mentality rears its head again).
There’s a theory that the too sensitive person develops schizoid personality disorder as a form of necessary desensitization, and I believe this to be true, partially; (1) I’ve always been a tad oversensitive to sights, sounds, pain, and such, (2) I’m consciously aware that in order for me to converse with someone smoothly I narrow my scope of focus, sense, and memory, and (3) I almost always slow down my processing speed (in a way, I turn a part of my brain off).
With that said about my sensitivity, I’m neither timid nor guarded about my body, though I abhor grandstanding.
[every test I’ve ever taken concludes that I am, in fact, very much an aspie]), and though seeking contact with another person was the last thing on my mind (to the point that I never noticed until my teen years) I was extremely sensitive to touch and attention directed towards me (now it’s just not so extreme).
I’ve forcibly desensitized myself a great deal (through actions like making it mandatory to make eye contact and hug people no matter how awkward it is) but even now if someone directs their attention towards me or enters my personal space and touches me I become hyperaware of their touch and of the world/context in which we’re in while touching.
If you punch me you don’t make me angry- I’ll become angry if in the context I have no logical positive other than to be angry, if you do something to make me happy you won’t make me happy- I’ll become happy if in the context I have no logical positive other than to be happy.
The only feelings that I experience somewhat firsthand are genuine surprise and genuine fear, as in not the fear of failing to obtain an abstract concept like ‘rich / not poor’ but of being mauled by a tiger running straight at me (this, for survival’s sake, makes complete sense).
I’ve realized that my ability to be lenient when wronged and to withstand condemnation without fuss impresses that I’m a push over, but so be it, it’s better than the alternative of egging on an oppressor who revels in their oppression or of losing a friend or lover to confessions of not feeling all that directly affected by anything they’ve said or done.
I inhabit a world where only I have direct emotional control of myself with the default state being one of emotionlessness (better put, affectlessness).
Unlike the sociopath or full-blown aspie I’m very much aware of the social cues around me and of my actions and place, socially, in regards to other people, but like the sociopath I’m not much seduced by relations and like the full-blown aspie I tend to care more about the work (about solving a problem, patterns, perfection, the art of it all, &c.) more than I do the people I’m working with.